It’s hard to be friends with you.
You’re the reason while going into quarantine I made a joy list and a to-learn list. Going stir crazy from doing nothing was not on either list. I have countless hobbies teed up in fear that I would be in your presence for too long. You are not nothing though. You are someone that adds value, despite on the surface appearing as a waste of time.
I do not always like you, but I do value you. You make me feel like my life is dull because you aren’t interesting. You don’t dance well with my close friend excitement. I’d rather partner with him than you nine out of the ten times. I’m sorry. He’s more fun.
Though I recognize the balance. With work there must come rest. With anything exhilarating that takes place, you will follow. Please accept my formal apology for neglecting you.
I have been seeking you out. I find that with you, creative inspiration strikes more often. Without you, lightbulb moments are sparse. You help create contrast of what I find interesting. Every time I wave goodbye to you, I have ideas streaming in.
Thank you for not being salty. For being by me as I welcome you into my life. You have been by my side as I spackle holes in the wall. While I massage shampoo into my head. While I drive with the windows down and the radio turned off. While I unload the dishwasher. While I sit in silence.
You make me realize how much I am attached to the internet. You appear as the cue that I run away from. You trigger my response to check a social media app. The moment your presence arrives, temptation lures me into distraction.
I have found though that to be with you can be peaceful. It’s made me realize that while I am “doing”, I can go full throttle. And while I am not, I can take in your state of ennui. Living in listlessness for moments in time. That is human after all.
Let’s call this a truce. We can’t be best friends but let’s still be friends.