Oh how I loathe you.
Oh how I love you.
A whimsical idea
Up in my mind,
Like a fantastical video game world,
They sweep me out of the present moment
And into the cloud of history
Or the future full of mystery.
Sometimes that is more appealing
Than the present moment
And perennial uncertainty.
My gratitude for words overflows.
They clear up confusion
About experiences in this world.
Each word is a thought.
Though, simultaneously,
the limitations to language are vast.
It infuriates me.
How can I make sense of life?
What does it mean to understand,
If I do not have language to explain?
All I really have in each moment
Is this breath
Inhaling then exhaling
Right now.
Yet,
That usually does not feel like enough.
There is a temptress of the swirling thoughts in my mind,
Whether they are positive or negative,
They are there.
There’s no ignoring that fact.
I choose today not to be a prisoner
As tempting as these thoughts are.
My thoughts are in my body.
My feelings are in my mind.
Are thoughts and feelings
That separate after all?
I act as if they are polar opposites
As different verbs.
As one or the other.
Truth be told,
I am lying to myself.
I wish to live more present from now on.
It’s not easy.
For twenty-six years,
The world has been my thoughts.
Today I awaken
As the thinker of those thoughts.
They do not define me.
I tend to the garden to guide my thoughts
Nurture the ones that ground my experience
Rather than a ruthless tug-of-war game.
We work together.
Body and mind.
We are one.
Afterall.
