I’m in love with you. There I said it.
Thank you for making me feel comfortable sharing this with you. The ideas that you spark bring me so much joy. They itch at my skull, which is what pulls me to share this letter with you today. I have so much gratitude for you existing in my life.
Life would feel meaningless without you, even though most of what you flood my mind with I don’t even understand the meaning of.
I’ve had these feelings for a while now.
When I was floundering at my first job after college in risk insurance, I leaned on you to be there for me. I looked at the actuaries in the cubicles around me talking about their exams and I didn’t feel you around me. And when you were present as I questioned the long-standing processes, I felt reprimanded. You sensed it too. That we both didn’t belong there.
After I said no, and decided to leave, you helped me find what my next opportunity in management consulting. In the meantime, we had our fun attempting to publish a book, working in restaurants, couch surfing in New York City driving across the country with my long-lost Dutch cousin.
When I was laid off from that role, you opened up a new identity for me. The entrepreneurial one who wanted to explore what my life could look like if I had ownership of my time, what I worked on, and who I teamed up with.
Instead of being a sad sack, or slacka-saurus, I had you to help me find what my path would look like next.
You are the vehicle for my love of ideas that drives life up the driveway each day. You keep life exciting, upbeat, and far from boring.
We are living in a modern era. Encyclopedias were cool back when I was in 6th grade. But in comparison to what we have access to today, it is seemingly limitless as a lightning-fast academic with Google at our fingertips. The Internet age tangoes so well with us. It is truly bonkers!
When I open a door into a bookstore, I sense anticipation to explore what others’ curiosities have led them to. When I click on a song on Spotify, the goosebumps on my skin rise when I ponder what inspired the heartwarming lyrics. I hear about occupations like oyster farming at the edge of Louisiana and you get me intrigued about the different algae the babies eat to taste different or about how AR and VR are being integrated into learning design to become a self-taught plumber in the Netherlands. I feel alive, full of wonder when I get exposed to a new pass time like Zydeco dancing– a Louisiana wedding tradition.
I am ignorant, but you don’t ever judge me for not knowing something.
You dress me in a cloak of bravery that dives into the unknown daily. Similar to when I have butterflies in my stomach before every single swim meet I raced in, they ease up and fly away after I take the cold plunge and dive in. Instead of seeing it as scary, it wakes me up to the point of my life.
You’ve helped me reach new heights that have completely changed the trajectory of where I am today. Out of pure curiosity, I have sent cold emails that have landed jobs, initiated life-changing friends, and created memories for the rest of my life.
You inspired me to take random courses that didn’t have a clear purpose other than the energy it created within me when I thought about being a student. There was no practical return on investment, or ROI, on many of these pursuits. Yet, they are the times that I’ve been bold and pursued what my spirit compelled me to do.
Because of you, it is what makes my life unique to me. These frivolous seeming actions make me appear like I have attention deficit disorder.
I’m getting more observational here. It’s like humans are all born to be curious in order to learn how to communicate and make sense of our lives. They mimic our parents and learn. They mature from the child’s shoes we first wore to walk in to go to school to become educated.
In tangent with these steps, the curiosity usually dampens. Like how the bright light of a firefly darkens when it is suffocated of oxygen in a mason jar– you fade away.
Adults grow out of their super curious states. This saddens me. I see your spark get doused by so many adults as they lose you. They lose that curious imagination and sense of endless possibilities.
You’ve driven me to do things that I don’t quite understand why, but I do not discern these actions. I encourage them and place hope in them. I trust them and open myself up to you because you give me more of a sense of purpose and meaning in my life than anything else. I feel closer to myself when you are lit up within me. You enter like a snow flurry and feel frivolous, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Life apart from you is one I cannot imagine.
We are one and the same.